I started this blog because i just want somewhere to write how life is for me, that to most i seem happy, content and fine, but you know its not fine, there i a whole in my life where someone has left, i have this constant empty dull feeling, that i carry around, and i cannot do anything about it.
Maybe my problem is insignificant to others, however this is my problem, i delete my facebook because it was a way i could express myself, but of late its all a bit dark, those closest to me see it, they can tell when they look into my eyes, i cant pretend that its just all fine, most people dont even know of her, they would think someone usually so level headed and calm would make the mistake of loving someone who would never be mine, i wish it was enough to offer someone everything you have, every part of you, but maybe if you offer someone everything than what do you keep for yourself.
Maybe it is a learning curve but right now it an aching pain inside, and yet i have to have a constant smile, a constant everything great attitude, i may fool some but i cannot fool myself, and i really have no idea which road to take, because i could never say goodbye to her, she is too precious, too important, someone who i would fly across the world to have a cookie and starbucks with and sit on a park bench and not even talk, im not sure what to say to her at the moment anyway, i love to hear from her, but i can not imagine my heart will ever let me believe that i want to be friends, as James Morrison sang "love is hard"
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